You know what is the best thing in the world? An afternoon spent with intellectually stimulating and incredibly kind friends over steaming lattes. Yes. The three of us have come from and been across the world and here we are in a city of steel chugging toward green energy and the service sector. We spoke of very serious current events and how we feel about dog breeding as a form of eugenics. It was a broad range of emotions that went from concern to enlightenment and hilarity. I never for a moment felt uncomfortable or offended, but I felt accepted and respected. I came to a sudden realization…I used to feel like such an outside. The feeling had been gone for so long I had barely noticed it.
During friendly visits I used to feel so…unfriendly. I used to dwell in my head on the horrible events of my past, be terrified to offend someone, be horrified that someone would dislike me, and there was so much noise in my head I could barely realize what was going on. The noise has stopped. I can think clearly. I felt so suffocated before and now I feel…strangely at ease. Like I can breath. The more I care about myself, the more I like myself, and the more confident I become the more that other people are attracted to me. I used to be sooooo worried. There are too many habitual complainers in the world, too many self conscience people, too many people filled with misery they feel they have to foster…and I used to be one of them until I realized how unhappy I truly was. I had become withdrawn and cold toward others with a lack of empathy. I read books and mainly kept to myself as I mired in the muck of my own misery. I still read anything I can get my hands on (from manuals to comic books to political magazines) and I probably read more books now than I ever did back then, but now when I get lost in them I no longer feel like I lost a friend when I have reached the final page.
Folks, there may be a lot of joyless and runny wannabes in the world, but there is certainly a great deal of good gravy out there. For every bad person there are ten others waiting to do good for you. Look at all the brave people in Boston and New York and everywhere else after one person or a few bad people decide to destroy the beauty of life. Still, many people I know dwell on what OTHERS have not done for them.
I woke up. I realized that nobody was going to live my life for me–nobody was going to come and rescue me from my moment of dark agony like in some Disney movie (the LIES of Disney are many, but…I love Disney so I shan’t go further on that). I rescued myself and countless times since then the demons of the past have threatened lure me back into that life of subservience and self-pity, but here I am happier than ever.
The most stunning revelation that I came across was so simple and I felt so incredibly stupid when I realized it: happiness does not mean everyday is perfect and filled with sunshine. I had often over analyzed things anyway so…missing that point came to no surprise. Some people are happy bitter, some people are happy lonely, some people are happy arrogant, some people get their kicks by being cruel to others, but I was never that person and when I became that person I was certainly NOT happy. And as for apologies, the only person I had to apologize was to myself, because I did not start living sooner. I have so much more to learn, but I have reached a point in my life at the age of 27 that not many people even live to feel. It was so hard to get to this point, but when I look back on my misery I barely recognize the person I was and literally cannot sympathize with her or for her at all. I view ancient writings of mine from that past and I think ‘wtf, who IS this girl?’ but I also would not trade her for the world. Without that miserable girl I would not know how to be happy as hell now. I was angry at myself for things other people had done and how my life was ‘unfair’ somehow. So (besides a good diet and exercise) here are some tips to happiness that may help you in the future ranked from the easiest to the hardest:
1) Apologize to and forgive yourself for everything you have done or someone else may have done to you. You will find a great deal of closure in this.
2) Nothing is ever perfect. Stop trying to make everything perfect.
3) Realize that life is neither fair nor unfair: life is life. Get over yourself and stop attempting to label everything and control an uncontrollable force. Gosh, we humans are control freaks. It’s okay to have flaws. And if you really cannot get over your flaws, then change them. And if you cannot change them, then just accept them for the sake of Luna.
4) Do what makes you happy. Just do it. If it’s destructive in any way, you need to see a doctor and I mean no disrespect, but if you feel the urge to hurt other human beings, other animals, or damage property you are beyond the point of healing yourself.
5) Get out for a while. Go live somewhere else. For some people this completely changes them in a good way and for others it means nothing due to travelling their whole lives, but being “well traveled” opens up so many opportunities.
6) You can be anything you want, AS LONG AS YOU WORK AT IT. You cannot blame the system or other people for things you have not tried or have not done to further your own cause. Work hard. And if it does not work out, then it was not meant to be. Move on and work harder.
7) Learn to at least like yourself. If you find yourself unable to be alone without feeling lonely, then that is a serious issue. You need to take some time to meditate, reflect, and recharge or you will lose yourself again.
8) Let go. Seriously, stop keeping your choke-hold on life, because it’s slipping out of your grip the tighter you try to hold it. Manage the chaos. The less you try to control everything the happier you will be.
9) Stop feeling sorry for yourself and others. People will latch onto you if you show them sympathy and will suck every last ounce of goodness from you. You will be cruel to the people who care, because you do not believe you deserve to be cared for and must slave for others. The aforementioned statement leads me to my next point:
10) The hardest lesson in the world: figure out who your friends are. Most people want something out of you and the list ranges from sex, to pity, to money–your circle of friends can be as big or as small as you would like it to be, but realize who really cares and put an effort into those people. I had wasted so much time on the leeches that I hurt a lot of my real friends and I was willing to apologize for my actions. Remember, you do not have to be liked by everyone: there are 7 billion other people out there and at least half of them are willing to give you a chance.
Okay so there are ten options at least. A healthy eating pattern and exercise also really make a difference to your demeanor, your self confidence, and a great way to begin thinking positively. Sometimes by starting on the outside you can begin to heal the inside, but I know way too many people who stopped with the physical appearance and fell into even deeper muck. The following website is a fantastic start, actually:
One last word of advice: stop dragging other people into your shithole, they are going to get tired of your whiny ass. In the end, it’s so selfish and cruel–don’t post stupid little rants on facebook unless they are funny and stay out of other’s people facebook fights. Also, don’t post things on other people’s walls very often and do not get upset with what other people post on their own facebook walls…unless you want to support someone for something or someone is trying to be destructive to someone else. Then tell them they are wrong and only then. Things like yoga or frozen yogurt are great for both the mind and body. And I totally meant to combine those things, because yoga makes you feel amazing and eating frozen yogurt afterward throws you into absolute nirvana.