Sons of a Witch: Medea’s Bad Motherhood

In honor of Mother’s day I will be posting about the “baddest motha of them all” and her name is Medea.  No, not Tyler Perry’s hilarious character of Madea, but the Medea from way, way, way back.  Like Ancient Greece.  In keeping with my promises to report on Ancient Greek mythology and updating the interpretation, I have decided to focus on the witch and murderess Medea.  Dark, I know, but necessary.

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Scariest mother of them all. If anything goes missing in her house…you’ll go missing.

Why has the story of Medea maintained it’s prevalence throughout the eras?  Was it due to Euripides’ socially conscious play about oppressed and overlooked people in society?  Was it due to her obsessive love of that arrogant douche Jason, brought about by divine magic, that led her to destruction of her family and exile from her homeland?  Was it her brilliant escape on a chariot drawn by dragons?  Nay, it was because she did what horrifies every good mother out there: feeling she had nothing else left to give, nowhere to turn, and wanted to exact revenge on her two-timing beau Jason, Medea murdered her own innocent children to Jason.  And, you ask, could this get even more horrific?  Yes.  Medea literally went for Jason’s balls by killing his sons; his heirs; his progeny surely destined for greatness.  Sons were everything and women were just incubators to house sons.  By killing her sons to Jason, Medea effectively and terrifyingly robbed Jason of almost everything even if they were about to be considered “illegitimate” or “second best” after his marriage to the daughter of Creon.  If Medea’s children were not first in line then they would be no better than dead to her after the exile.

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Why didn’t she just poison Jason, you ask? Because that was too simple. Medea wanted Jason to pay so she went for his heirs. She had bigger balls than Thelma and Louise combined.

What led to Medea’s decision?  Medea was desperate for a way out of her situation and for revenge against Jason.  Medea did EVERYTHING for that sack of shit, who just threw her to the wolves like yesterday’s rotten cow.  Medea betrayed her father, murdered her brother by cutting him up into pieces and throwing him into the water for Daddy to come across and be delayed in his pursuit of Jay-Med (I like that celebcouple name), and continually sacrificed her own needs in order to satisfy Jason.  Medea bore him children and Jason habitually promised to marry her until someone younger and with more to offer than Medea currently did.  Medea had the classical FFS (90s kids know what I’m talking about) with Jason and if she had girlfriends they would have said “lady, leave his ass or you’re going to get screwed”, but she may not have even listened.  So when Creon came up and was all like “listen, you psycho-bitch, I want you and your devil spawn out” old Medea worked up her charms for one more day.  Medea approached Jason for help, but Jason was all like “seriously, it’s not that bad, Meddy, get over it and stop complaining.  Listen, I’ll even help you pack.”  After a few well-timed and witty retorts to her less than appreciative man, Medea was enraged and hatched her plan.

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Chorus: What’s up girl?
Medea: He stood me up again!
Chorus: AGAIN! Well, what’s up with this guy? Do you really like him that much?
Medea: Yes, honey, I love him! He is fine! He does a lot of nice things for me!
Chorus: He used to do nice things for you…but what has he done for you lately?
*click the picture for a fun link it’s like the google button that could lead you anywhere!*

The worst part is documented in the play by Euripides, when the boys are taken off stage and murdered…but the audience hear these little boys’ screams for mercy…and in pain.  Demented, eh?  Makes you want to think twice about talking back to your mom next time, eh?  Compared to Medea, your mom’s not half bad you little unappreciative tween-queens.   Yeah, I was a tween-queen, too, so I understand how annoying Mom can be at that age, but whatevs.

What gets everyone about Medea is her vindictive and heartless nature when all she could have done was called for the dragon drawn chariots and taken her boys out with her alive…not loaded their dead bodies on the back of the chariot and flown away.  Jason was crippled with grief and funny enough he had the most non-heroic death of all of the heroes…and Medea predicted it…almost CURSED him with it.  Jason got his in the end by being crushed to death by the mast of a boat, now how is that for irony?  Bastard deserved it after all the shit he put Medea through…but then again Medea deserved a lot worse.

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She’ll be ridin’ two boss dragons when she comes…she’ll be ridin’ two boss dragons when she comes…

Medea is every mother’s deepest, darkest fear: to be so alone and so desperate that you choose to snuff the life out of your children in order to prove a point.  And then fly off with dragons, which is kind of the best exit ever.

Well that is my tribute to the baddest motha ever.  And there’s a lot more to the story and you can find more out about Medea on sites like Encyclopedia Mythica (a fast, generalizing, and great source for any of your classical mythology needs) or read a damn book like everyone else does you lazy shits.  Don’t believe everything the internet tells you, because a meme about Albert Einstein shaking the hand of an alien at Roswell told me so.

Well, faithful readers, thank you for reading.  If you are crazy about deranged mothers look up people like Morgan Le Fay or Hera or Kali or Joan Crawford.  As usual I will leave you with my favorite vice cop from the 80s, Sonny Crockett.  Stay classy.

~ Namaste

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“Even Calderone isn’t that cold to his own kids…my wayfarers will hide the man tears.” ~ Sonny Crockett

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