2014 Expectations: Because Resolutions are Boring

I really do not make resolutions, because I already do what I want to do and when I feel I need a change I do not wait for anything cosmic to happen.  I simply change it and move onward and upward.  Also, on a super serious note I think high expectations and resolutions can be really unhealthy for certain people, but that aside we can get back to my really sarcastic sense of humor.  I have several categories of expectations for 2014, firstly in movies, secondly in pop culture in general, and thirdly in my own realm of reality.  I have expectations, because my mother instilled standards through permitting me only to watch PBS and pretending other stations did not exist.  I thought life was going to be very PBS-like–full of intelligent people with British accents…I was sorely mistaken when I reached Kindergarten.  

Back to the list.  The list will be separated into three categories and each category will have 5 expectations.

My expectations for 2014 films:

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Here we come, 2014!

1. I expect the world to stop trying to portray superheroes as “realistic”.  There is absolutely no reason for attempting to give people the illusion that an every day person can become a superhero.  I expect watching superhuman people survive explosions that would rip the normal human apart.  That’s the reason I follow fantasy, mythology, and comic books.  Let’s do less “Batman Begins” and more “Avengers”.  Marvel has this down pat, which is why they are so full of win right now.  Also, taking the gods and goddesses out of historical epics or making them “more human” RUINS a film for me.  DC kind of has a monopoly on kick-ass television shows, though, where Marvel has consistently failed.  That being said “The Legend of Hercules” looks promising.  Also, the television show “Almost Human” is ranked as my favorite right now.

2. I expect to see some femme fatales take center stage now, please.  Where are all the women?  Yes, we are considerably more advanced and adept at portraying women with equal footing as men, but THE FILM INDUSTRY HAS PROMISED ME RED SONJA FOR OVER 3 YEARS AND FAILED.  Where is my Red Sonja film?!  Where is Wonder Woman?!  Why can’t the Black Widow have her own film?  The shit show that was “Catwoman” 2004 really made me want to give up hope, but the big wigs totally could waste their money on a revamp of a Spider-Man saga…why not sink some money into a new Catwoman?  I saw “Haywire” and desired a sequel.  I still have a huge girl crush on Gina Carano and if she played Catwoman I would probably die of a massive love stroke.

3. I expect that the world will come to understand that it needs more Ridley Scotts.  “Prometheus” was an awesome movie.  “Gladiator” was an awesome movie.  Every Ridley Scott film I have ever seen (and he has a hand in every inch of the production) is absolutely fabulous.  Some people dislike Scott films, but he brings a grittiness and realism (without too much realism) to his futuristic voyages and historical epics that other directors just cannot comprehend.  We need more people like him…and I don’t care what anyone says, Zack Snyder is a fantastic director.  Snyder has the capability of making his comic book-to-film appear to be the moving pages of a comic and it’s fabulous.

4. I expect the world to stop the obsession with werewolves, vampires, and zombies (lawd please).  Seriously, I am so tired of seeing necrophilia and cryptozoology obsessions on screen at the moment I just cannot stand the genre anymore.  

5. I expect another cult classic.  We need more heists done by people named Honey-Bunny, psychos like Patrick Batemans, personality extension Tyler Durden types, and rampaging Catholic brothers from Boondock Saints…we need cult classic badasses.  Maybe perhaps we can have a femme fatale.  Yes, I am a very circular thinker.

My expectations for pop culture in general:

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2014 should be fun! Not a fail!

1. I expect the people who cannot string together an enticing sentence will no longer be able to publish books.  I am glad these people were given the chance to give their families a better life…but really.  We need more writers like Anne Rice, Stephen R. Lawhead, R. A. Salvatore, Stephen King, and J.K. Rowling.  In fact, we need to interest others in the aforementioned authors and shame them for liking smut novels.  I have to say the only smut novelist that has decent penmanship is Nora Roberts–in fact she has a fabulous writing style.  I am also not a huge Jane Austen fan, but I believe her books should be read.  Her books are solid, have a simplistic and good story line, and they give insight to our past.

2. I expect the world to dazzle us with more bromances and womances.  This world needs more Hiddlebatches, McStewarts, and McBenders.  We also need to popularize female friendships again.  Friendships should be celebrated more often and news about break-up should just be “old news”.  The world needs more friendships and less physical attribute obsession negativity.

3. I expect to see acceptance of all political, social, and cultural minorities.  I love Ellen.  I love Tyler Perry.  I love Oprah.  These people are positive and thought provoking while enticing everyone they touch to do well and be kind.  Spreading love and acceptance in a culture of suspicion and envy takes a lot of courage.

4. I expect to see this emphasis and glamorization of education continue.  Shows like the “Big Bang Theory” have brought forth the idea that being educated is kind of cool…and pretty funny.  However, stereotyping nerds into being completely socially awkward gets on my nerves at times even if it makes for a good laugh.  I used to hide my inner nerd for fear that I would be rejected, but that show has broken down a lot of barriers for big-time nerds.

5. I expect that fashion will never be permitted to fail again…like in the 1990s.  The 1990s (in my opinion) has to be the worst fashion decade in recorded history…and I consider the burlap sacks early humans probably wore in between cave man and civilization as we know it to have been better fashion.  The 1990s were a bunch of confused people who suddenly realized people were living much longer than we ever expected and I have no idea what else.  I find it hard to accept the idea that the 1990s were the most prosperous (financially in the US) and had the worst fashion EVER.  It blows my mind.

My expectations in my own realm of reality:

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You should. I should. We all should just stay awesome.

1. I expect to make an effort to be a kinder human being.  I feel that at the age of 25 I suddenly had this angry, bitter old person developing inside of me telling the kids to get the hell off of my lawn.  Yes, that’s an exaggeration and I am still told by many people that I am “the nicest person” they know, because I drop everything for anyone in trouble.  I just feel that I can improve upon my kindness.

2. I expect to invest.  I really want to invest in something.  Maybe I have the illusion that I will become the next Steve Jobs or something so I will hope someone will invest in me someday, but yes.  I want to invest in something so I can get my foot in the door of investments.

3. I expect to continue travelling and making new friends.  I never want to lose my travel bug that creeps in and wants to be in awe of something from far away lands.  Seeing new places and meeting new people to change my ideas will always be my passion.

4. I expect to contribute to a lasting change in the current cultural climate.  I want to show people that being considerate, helpful, and kind to others cannot only benefit the other person, but also the person contributing the kindness.  I have always had heroes like Mother Theresa and I believe that showing kindness to others will open them to showing more kindness.  I want manners, common courtesy, and etiquette to come back into fashion and I want to be the harbinger of such an event.

5. I expect to continue to grow, learn, and always be humbled by this big, wide, and beautiful world.  I find the world to be a spectacular and awesome place filled with mysteries and boatloads of awesome just waiting to happen.  In fact, the more I learn about the world and about my own existence the more healthy relationships I acquire and therefore the happier I tend to be.  Sometimes I get caught up in materialism, but at least I own my flaws and attempt to change them…or I have no desire to change them and that’s totally fine with me. I just do not want to become a robot tethered to consumerism.

And now for the final show:

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Rico: Anthony Bourdain called…he wants his look back.
Sonny: Who the hell is Anthony Bourdain?
Rico: Don’t worry about that chump, Sonny, we won’t see him for another 20 years or so. It’s the future.
Sonny: Will I get my Spider back in the future?
Rico: No.

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